Our Last Visit

May 11, 2011

Dear Kaden,
We visited your site today for the last time. Son, I don't know when we will be able to come back. We are moving to Florida in June and will be there for 6 years. After that we will move somewhere else for a job. So, I don't know when we will be able to visit your site again. But I promise that I will continue making you a birthday cake each year. I promise that I will always keep your shadow box in my bedroom. I promise that I will talk about you to your future brothers and sisters. And I promise that you will never be forgotten.

Kaden, today was a special day. Daddy and I bought you a flower and planted it next to your rock. It was a beautiful purple annual that will hopefully grow every year. I pray that next time we come to visit you, the flower will still be there. I imagine your flower planting seeds to make more flowers surround you resting spot. I look forward to the day when we get to visit your rock again. We got to take some family pictures while we were there. This is now my most favoirte picture because it is a complete family picture. .


Kaden, today 2 very special things happened. Right after the flower was planted it started to rain, and showered for a short 2-3 minutes. I believe that this was God's way of acknowledging your flower and giving it some rain to help the roots start growing.

After the flower was planted we took some family pictures by your resting spot. The pictures taken are now my favorite because it has all 5 of us. Your younger brother and sister were with us. And they saw your site for the very first time. Micah and Savannah were sweet and patience during our visit. They love their big brother and can't wait to meet you.

The second special thing that happened was while Savannah and I were sitting near your rock. I was holding sweet Savannah and whispered in her ear, "Say... I love Kaden."

In her sweet little voice Savannah said, "I wuve Aven".

I then whispered in her ear, "Say... I love my brother."

He soft baby voice replayed, "I wuve by verer."

She knew she was talking about her big brother. I felt her love for Kaden. I felt the spirit. I felt Kaden's love. I love my 3 children.

Mother's Day 2011

Kaden, today was Mother's Day 2011. I was thinking about you today and know you were thinking about me. Mothers Day in the past have been very hard for me. Right after we lost you I was so jealous of every mother. I couldn't understand why God took you away from me but let other Mother's keep their babies.

But now I feel so blessed. I have 2 beautiful children on earth and one in Heaven looking after us. Kaden, I know you look down on your earthy family. I want you to know that we love you. We will never forget about you. You are a huge blessing in our family. I love Mother's Day because it is a day to see all the blessings I have in my life. Your conception, pregnancy, and birth was all a huge blessing. I didn't see it then. But now I see how I grew spiritual and emotionally. I see how your father and I grew together. I see how you stretched out my uterus for your siblings. I understand that you had a greater purpose. My faith grew. And I know I will see you again.

Happy Mother's Day

Happy 2nd Birthday Son

Today is January 3rd, your 2nd birthday. Happy Birthday Son! I love you and miss you. For your birthday I made a really nice dinner (rolls, turkey-cream soup, fruit, and cake). I made you a fish cake this year. I had planned on making you a loin, but didn't have anything for the legs. So you got a fish cake. I am sorry the color turned out funny. I was trying to make it orange, but I added too much blue! Now you know your mommy isn't perfect. Your father came home early from work and was surprised by the big dinner. We ate together and thought about you. Earlier that day I looked through your box of keepsakes, and your pictures. It was a very nice day to remember you.

I have a friend that just lost a baby. She came over last week and I showed her all of your keepsakes. I love talking about you. I loved showing your little hand-prints to my friend. It keep you alive to me. It keeps you alive in our family. It keeps you real. My friend told me that when she lost her baby, she imagined herself handing her child over into the Lord's hands. I then invisioned myself handing your little body over to the Lord. I have a picture now of you in your blue gown and hat being placed into Heavenly Father's arms. I see Heavenly Father smiling as he takes you. I see myself smiling back being glad that I could give him such a perfect child. I see you smile. I know you are happy with your Heavenly Father. I know you are busy doing his work. I know you are a chosen spirit child.

Last time I wrote to you we were expecting twins. Well they made it!! Thanks for watching over them. You now have a little sister, Savannah, and a little brother, Micah. I have told both Micah and Savannah about you. I am excited for you to meet them. You and Micah are going to be great friends. He is a very patience person, like you. I know you both will get along great. Please continue to look over our family. You are the big brother!

Kaden, we miss you. I love you. Daddy loves you. And your siblings love you. I wish you were here staring at me with your blond hair and blue eyes. But I will get my wish. I will see you again. I truly believe that. And I can't wait for that time.

Happy Birthday Son.

Daddy, Micah and I eating your birthday dinner.
Your fish cake Yum. Yum.

I keep your memories in my bedroom. On your birthday I looked through your heart box. I love you son.