Friday, January 4, 2013
4th Birthday
Dear Kaden,
To start off Happy 4th Birthday. Your Aunt Darryn called me last week and told me that one of her friends lost twins at 21 weeks. Darryn asked me to call Stephanie and talk with her about her loses. AND talking to Stephanie made me realize 2 things I never thought about before.
#1 Losing you was the hardest trial I had ever been through. I was depressed, angry, alone, in pain, and questioning God's plan. I was confused why God would take you away from me. I was upset at life. Now 4 years later I realize that you are a huge Blessing in our family. I no longer see your death as a trial but a blessing. You are a part of family. You are remembered. You are our guardian angel. You are the reason that I press on, keeping the commandments, and enduring to the end. Kaden, because of you I have a purpose in Heaven. I am so excited and blessed to raise you in Heaven.
#2 Stephanie asked me, "When will I stop missing my babies?". I replied without even thinking, "Never." And then I thought about it.... Kaden, I still miss you. I look at your shadow box daily and think of you. You were my perfect baby. I miss you always. I miss everything we could have done together and all the memories we could have shared. I miss you today and I will miss you until my mortal bodies leaves my spirit and I will get to see you again.
It is strange to think that today you would be 4 years old. What a big boy you would be. I want you to know that you were in my heart all day long. In the morning I told the twins it was your birthday and we sung to you. Savannah loves singing the birthday song and sang to you all day long. I got out your blog-book and showed pictures of you to Micah and Savannah. They would point to your picture and say, "baby".
Today I made you a Loin cake. Micah helped me decorate it. We then bought a lot of balloons and blow horns. We sang you happy birthday and blew our horns. It was a good tasting cake. I know you would have loved it.
Kaden, Happy Birthday. I am so thankful that I get to make you a cake each year and think about you. I miss you, and wish things could have turned out differently but, I know that you are OK. And I am sorry that I don't have any pictures. This blog wont let me upload anymore pics.
Love, Your earthly mother
To start off Happy 4th Birthday. Your Aunt Darryn called me last week and told me that one of her friends lost twins at 21 weeks. Darryn asked me to call Stephanie and talk with her about her loses. AND talking to Stephanie made me realize 2 things I never thought about before.
#1 Losing you was the hardest trial I had ever been through. I was depressed, angry, alone, in pain, and questioning God's plan. I was confused why God would take you away from me. I was upset at life. Now 4 years later I realize that you are a huge Blessing in our family. I no longer see your death as a trial but a blessing. You are a part of family. You are remembered. You are our guardian angel. You are the reason that I press on, keeping the commandments, and enduring to the end. Kaden, because of you I have a purpose in Heaven. I am so excited and blessed to raise you in Heaven.
#2 Stephanie asked me, "When will I stop missing my babies?". I replied without even thinking, "Never." And then I thought about it.... Kaden, I still miss you. I look at your shadow box daily and think of you. You were my perfect baby. I miss you always. I miss everything we could have done together and all the memories we could have shared. I miss you today and I will miss you until my mortal bodies leaves my spirit and I will get to see you again.
It is strange to think that today you would be 4 years old. What a big boy you would be. I want you to know that you were in my heart all day long. In the morning I told the twins it was your birthday and we sung to you. Savannah loves singing the birthday song and sang to you all day long. I got out your blog-book and showed pictures of you to Micah and Savannah. They would point to your picture and say, "baby".
Today I made you a Loin cake. Micah helped me decorate it. We then bought a lot of balloons and blow horns. We sang you happy birthday and blew our horns. It was a good tasting cake. I know you would have loved it.
Kaden, Happy Birthday. I am so thankful that I get to make you a cake each year and think about you. I miss you, and wish things could have turned out differently but, I know that you are OK. And I am sorry that I don't have any pictures. This blog wont let me upload anymore pics.
Love, Your earthly mother
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Your 3rd Birthday
Happy Birthday Son. Today you would be 3 years old!!! Your birth date has become a very special day in our family. I never thought that your death date would be a time of celebration, but it is. It has become a day where we think of you, we pray for you, and have a party (because we know that is what you would want us to do). It has become a day that I cherish.
Today I made a birthday you a birthday cake in the shape of a giraffe. I was going to make you are Lion but thought giraffes are cuter. I then took your brother and sister to the store and we bought balloons, hats, and blow toys. In line Micah was holding the birthday hats. A man saw what we were buying, and asked whose birthday it was. I told him we were having a birthday party for Micah's brother. It felt so good saying that. We were having a party for Micah and Savannah's brother.
When we got home I set up the dinner table so everyone had a blow toy and hat. We then blew up the balloons and the twins started playing with them. When Daddy came home we ate dinner, and sang Happy Birthday to you. Savannah & Micah both got their own piece of cake and loved it.
.
Kaden, I love you. I love having a day where I can think about you all day. I watched your viedo and read your blog today. I cried watching the viedo. But it wasn't a sad crying. I was happy for the memory of you. I was happy for the whole experience. I am happy. You were with us for 24 weeks. I grew to love you in these short weeks. I find joy in knowing that I will be your mother in the next life. I look forward to hugging you. I look forward to raising you. I am happy today knowing this. I love the plan of Salvation and the joy it brings.
Today I made a birthday you a birthday cake in the shape of a giraffe. I was going to make you are Lion but thought giraffes are cuter. I then took your brother and sister to the store and we bought balloons, hats, and blow toys. In line Micah was holding the birthday hats. A man saw what we were buying, and asked whose birthday it was. I told him we were having a birthday party for Micah's brother. It felt so good saying that. We were having a party for Micah and Savannah's brother.
When we got home I set up the dinner table so everyone had a blow toy and hat. We then blew up the balloons and the twins started playing with them. When Daddy came home we ate dinner, and sang Happy Birthday to you. Savannah & Micah both got their own piece of cake and loved it.
.
Kaden, I love you. I love having a day where I can think about you all day. I watched your viedo and read your blog today. I cried watching the viedo. But it wasn't a sad crying. I was happy for the memory of you. I was happy for the whole experience. I am happy. You were with us for 24 weeks. I grew to love you in these short weeks. I find joy in knowing that I will be your mother in the next life. I look forward to hugging you. I look forward to raising you. I am happy today knowing this. I love the plan of Salvation and the joy it brings.
Happy Birthday Son.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Our Last Visit
May 11, 2011
Dear Kaden,
We visited your site today for the last time. Son, I don't know when we will be able to come back. We are moving to Florida in June and will be there for 6 years. After that we will move somewhere else for a job. So, I don't know when we will be able to visit your site again. But I promise that I will continue making you a birthday cake each year. I promise that I will always keep your shadow box in my bedroom. I promise that I will talk about you to your future brothers and sisters. And I promise that you will never be forgotten.
Kaden, today was a special day. Daddy and I bought you a flower and planted it next to your rock. It was a beautiful purple annual that will hopefully grow every year. I pray that next time we come to visit you, the flower will still be there. I imagine your flower planting seeds to make more flowers surround you resting spot. I look forward to the day when we get to visit your rock again. We got to take some family pictures while we were there. This is now my most favoirte picture because it is a complete family picture. .
Kaden, today 2 very special things happened. Right after the flower was planted it started to rain, and showered for a short 2-3 minutes. I believe that this was God's way of acknowledging your flower and giving it some rain to help the roots start growing.
After the flower was planted we took some family pictures by your resting spot. The pictures taken are now my favorite because it has all 5 of us. Your younger brother and sister were with us. And they saw your site for the very first time. Micah and Savannah were sweet and patience during our visit. They love their big brother and can't wait to meet you.
The second special thing that happened was while Savannah and I were sitting near your rock. I was holding sweet Savannah and whispered in her ear, "Say... I love Kaden."
In her sweet little voice Savannah said, "I wuve Aven".
I then whispered in her ear, "Say... I love my brother."
He soft baby voice replayed, "I wuve by verer."
She knew she was talking about her big brother. I felt her love for Kaden. I felt the spirit. I felt Kaden's love. I love my 3 children.
Dear Kaden,
We visited your site today for the last time. Son, I don't know when we will be able to come back. We are moving to Florida in June and will be there for 6 years. After that we will move somewhere else for a job. So, I don't know when we will be able to visit your site again. But I promise that I will continue making you a birthday cake each year. I promise that I will always keep your shadow box in my bedroom. I promise that I will talk about you to your future brothers and sisters. And I promise that you will never be forgotten.
Kaden, today was a special day. Daddy and I bought you a flower and planted it next to your rock. It was a beautiful purple annual that will hopefully grow every year. I pray that next time we come to visit you, the flower will still be there. I imagine your flower planting seeds to make more flowers surround you resting spot. I look forward to the day when we get to visit your rock again. We got to take some family pictures while we were there. This is now my most favoirte picture because it is a complete family picture. .
Kaden, today 2 very special things happened. Right after the flower was planted it started to rain, and showered for a short 2-3 minutes. I believe that this was God's way of acknowledging your flower and giving it some rain to help the roots start growing.
After the flower was planted we took some family pictures by your resting spot. The pictures taken are now my favorite because it has all 5 of us. Your younger brother and sister were with us. And they saw your site for the very first time. Micah and Savannah were sweet and patience during our visit. They love their big brother and can't wait to meet you.
The second special thing that happened was while Savannah and I were sitting near your rock. I was holding sweet Savannah and whispered in her ear, "Say... I love Kaden."
In her sweet little voice Savannah said, "I wuve Aven".
I then whispered in her ear, "Say... I love my brother."
He soft baby voice replayed, "I wuve by verer."
She knew she was talking about her big brother. I felt her love for Kaden. I felt the spirit. I felt Kaden's love. I love my 3 children.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Mother's Day 2011
Kaden, today was Mother's Day 2011. I was thinking about you today and know you were thinking about me. Mothers Day in the past have been very hard for me. Right after we lost you I was so jealous of every mother. I couldn't understand why God took you away from me but let other Mother's keep their babies.
But now I feel so blessed. I have 2 beautiful children on earth and one in Heaven looking after us. Kaden, I know you look down on your earthy family. I want you to know that we love you. We will never forget about you. You are a huge blessing in our family. I love Mother's Day because it is a day to see all the blessings I have in my life. Your conception, pregnancy, and birth was all a huge blessing. I didn't see it then. But now I see how I grew spiritual and emotionally. I see how your father and I grew together. I see how you stretched out my uterus for your siblings. I understand that you had a greater purpose. My faith grew. And I know I will see you again.
Happy Mother's Day
But now I feel so blessed. I have 2 beautiful children on earth and one in Heaven looking after us. Kaden, I know you look down on your earthy family. I want you to know that we love you. We will never forget about you. You are a huge blessing in our family. I love Mother's Day because it is a day to see all the blessings I have in my life. Your conception, pregnancy, and birth was all a huge blessing. I didn't see it then. But now I see how I grew spiritual and emotionally. I see how your father and I grew together. I see how you stretched out my uterus for your siblings. I understand that you had a greater purpose. My faith grew. And I know I will see you again.
Happy Mother's Day
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Happy 2nd Birthday Son
Today is January 3rd, your 2nd birthday. Happy Birthday Son! I love you and miss you. For your birthday I made a really nice dinner (rolls, turkey-cream soup, fruit, and cake). I made you a fish cake this year. I had planned on making you a loin, but didn't have anything for the legs. So you got a fish cake. I am sorry the color turned out funny. I was trying to make it orange, but I added too much blue! Now you know your mommy isn't perfect. Your father came home early from work and was surprised by the big dinner. We ate together and thought about you. Earlier that day I looked through your box of keepsakes, and your pictures. It was a very nice day to remember you.
I have a friend that just lost a baby. She came over last week and I showed her all of your keepsakes. I love talking about you. I loved showing your little hand-prints to my friend. It keep you alive to me. It keeps you alive in our family. It keeps you real. My friend told me that when she lost her baby, she imagined herself handing her child over into the Lord's hands. I then invisioned myself handing your little body over to the Lord. I have a picture now of you in your blue gown and hat being placed into Heavenly Father's arms. I see Heavenly Father smiling as he takes you. I see myself smiling back being glad that I could give him such a perfect child. I see you smile. I know you are happy with your Heavenly Father. I know you are busy doing his work. I know you are a chosen spirit child.
Last time I wrote to you we were expecting twins. Well they made it!! Thanks for watching over them. You now have a little sister, Savannah, and a little brother, Micah. I have told both Micah and Savannah about you. I am excited for you to meet them. You and Micah are going to be great friends. He is a very patience person, like you. I know you both will get along great. Please continue to look over our family. You are the big brother!
Kaden, we miss you. I love you. Daddy loves you. And your siblings love you. I wish you were here staring at me with your blond hair and blue eyes. But I will get my wish. I will see you again. I truly believe that. And I can't wait for that time.
Happy Birthday Son.
Daddy, Micah and I eating your birthday dinner.
Your fish cake Yum. Yum.
I keep your memories in my bedroom. On your birthday I looked through your heart box. I love you son.
I have a friend that just lost a baby. She came over last week and I showed her all of your keepsakes. I love talking about you. I loved showing your little hand-prints to my friend. It keep you alive to me. It keeps you alive in our family. It keeps you real. My friend told me that when she lost her baby, she imagined herself handing her child over into the Lord's hands. I then invisioned myself handing your little body over to the Lord. I have a picture now of you in your blue gown and hat being placed into Heavenly Father's arms. I see Heavenly Father smiling as he takes you. I see myself smiling back being glad that I could give him such a perfect child. I see you smile. I know you are happy with your Heavenly Father. I know you are busy doing his work. I know you are a chosen spirit child.
Last time I wrote to you we were expecting twins. Well they made it!! Thanks for watching over them. You now have a little sister, Savannah, and a little brother, Micah. I have told both Micah and Savannah about you. I am excited for you to meet them. You and Micah are going to be great friends. He is a very patience person, like you. I know you both will get along great. Please continue to look over our family. You are the big brother!
Kaden, we miss you. I love you. Daddy loves you. And your siblings love you. I wish you were here staring at me with your blond hair and blue eyes. But I will get my wish. I will see you again. I truly believe that. And I can't wait for that time.
Happy Birthday Son.
Daddy, Micah and I eating your birthday dinner. 
Your fish cake Yum. Yum. 
I keep your memories in my bedroom. On your birthday I looked through your heart box. I love you son.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
March 7th we visited your site.
March 7th, 2010
Hi sweet child. Today your father and I went to visit your resting site. We hadn't been to see you for one year. I am sorry that it took us so long to return. But your father reminded me that only your body is there. I can talk to you and feel your spirit anytime. And I am so thankful for that.
Yet, it was peaceful seeing the rock with your name on it. Visiting your site keeps you alive. Looking at your picture and your gown on our wall keeps you alive. Kaden, you very much are a huge part of our family. You are my son and I am so excited to meet you in heaven. I am thankful for the memories I have of you. I am thankful that I got a chance to hold you and love your small body. And I am thankful that your spirit can be felt in Adam-Ondi-Aham. I love you.
While visiting you, Leif asked me to pray. I hope you can hear my prayer for you. Because they are for you. Please remember that we love you and miss you. I love prayers.
In my prayer I told you that we are expecting 2 babies now. Please look after your mother and your siblings. If you have any extra power, please bless your siblings to grow. Leif and I so bad want to have children on this earth. We wish it could have been you. But we all know that the Lord has a bigger hand in things. I know you are being taken care of. I thank my Savior for that.
Kaden, we love you. It was so nice to visit your little tomb stone. Visit us often.
Hi sweet child. Today your father and I went to visit your resting site. We hadn't been to see you for one year. I am sorry that it took us so long to return. But your father reminded me that only your body is there. I can talk to you and feel your spirit anytime. And I am so thankful for that.
Yet, it was peaceful seeing the rock with your name on it. Visiting your site keeps you alive. Looking at your picture and your gown on our wall keeps you alive. Kaden, you very much are a huge part of our family. You are my son and I am so excited to meet you in heaven. I am thankful for the memories I have of you. I am thankful that I got a chance to hold you and love your small body. And I am thankful that your spirit can be felt in Adam-Ondi-Aham. I love you.
While visiting you, Leif asked me to pray. I hope you can hear my prayer for you. Because they are for you. Please remember that we love you and miss you. I love prayers.
In my prayer I told you that we are expecting 2 babies now. Please look after your mother and your siblings. If you have any extra power, please bless your siblings to grow. Leif and I so bad want to have children on this earth. We wish it could have been you. But we all know that the Lord has a bigger hand in things. I know you are being taken care of. I thank my Savior for that.
Kaden, we love you. It was so nice to visit your little tomb stone. Visit us often.
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