HAPPY BIRTHDAY KADEN LEIF KANOOTH

Today is January 3rd 2009 and it is your birthday. Happy Birthday Son!!! You were born into this world at 1:34 a.m. You weighed 1 pound 8 ounces (with your blanket on). You were so handsome! Kaden, you had your mother's lips (we call them Maughan lips). You had your father's little ears. You had blond hair and eyebrow. Your face was so cute. It was perfect. It was peaceful. Kaden, your hands and feet were also perfect. You had little toenails and fingernails. You had a cutest little knees, and your skin was so soft. Daddy and I were so proud to have made such a handsome Child of God. We love you so much. And we will always cherish January 3rd as a special birthday. On Friday January 2nd. Daddy and I entered the hospital knowing that we were going to deliver your body into this world. We couldn't wait to hold you and be with you. And I am so glad that we had that special opportunity. The delivery itself was more painful then your mother expected. I never knew how bad contractions hurt. But your father was so good to me. He became my personal nurse and took care of my every need. During the delivery itself, Daddy held my hand and made me take deep breaths. He kept telling me that I was doing good and kept kissing my forehead. You then entered this mortal life and your father got to cut your little tiny umbilical cord.

The Doctor then looked you over only to find nothing wrong with you. You were perfect! You were then wrapped in a blanket and handed to me. Kaden, it felt like you were alive. You felt so real as I held you. You were perfect to me. Daddy got to hold you also. He loves you. You and Daddy are going to have so much fun together in Heaven. The nurses then gave Daddy and I some time alone with you. It was so nice just being alone with our little family. Dad and I talked to you, loved you, and held you. Kaden, I felt your little spirit. Your spirit was in our room. I know you were with us during this whole experience. I thank you for your support. What a special young man you truly are. You have a purpose.

We then had a special opportunity to take professional pictures with you. There is a wonderful organization called, "Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep". This organization takes pictures of stillborns. There mission is to create sensitive images for families suffering the loss of a baby in hopes that the pictures will help with the healing process. The photographer, named Stephin, dressed you up in a beautiful blue gown and blue knit hat. You looked perfect. I was so thankful for this sweet organization. How precious these pictures are to me. After the photographer left, the nurses took you away to make impressions of your tiny hands and feet. Leif and I then had the chance to sleep for the first time in 22 hours. Daddy crawled into my hospital bed where we cuddled, cried, and slept together.

The best part of the day was when the nurses rolled you back into our room. You lied there quietly next to our bed. Like I had said before, you were perfect. We were a family. After some time, we were then told that the funeral home was coming to get you in 30 minutes. Those last 30 minutes were so special. Your Father and I both held you and talked to you. I sang to you. We couldn't keep our eyes off of your special face.
Then the hardest part of the whole day came, even harder then the contractions! Daddy and I had to wheel you down to the front desk and give your body over to a strange couple. We both touched you one last time and then gave your body away. Walking back to our hospital room was hard. I was so thankful to have my husband by my side. We missed you.
Mommy holding little Kaden's hand.

Kaden, I do know that I only gave birth to your mortal body. I know your little spirit was in Heaven. I know your spirit is special. I know the Lord has a mission for you. I know Daddy and I accepted the trial of losing you. I know we will get to raise you again. I know you were too pure, too lovely, and too perfect to live in this mortal world. I know the Gospel is true. I know your Father knows the Gospel is true. I know you know it is ture. I know that I am blessed to have have carried you for 24 weeks. I know our family is blessed to have had you in it. I know you will become our little Guardian Angle. I know we will see you again. Here is a picture of you in our home. The Guardian Angles are watching over you.

A Letter From Your Mother

January 1, 2009

Dear Kaden;

Leif and I are flying home on the airplane right now. We just spent the last 10 days with my family for Christmas. It was really fun to see all my siblings and play with them in the snow (four feet of snow). They were all excited to see my belly with you in it. Grandma Lorraine wanted to feel you kick so badly. She kept rubbing my belly and singing to you in hopes that you would give her a Grandma kick. All of your Aunts and Uncle Mathew liked to poke my belly button and feel your presence.
Then on Christmas day you surprised your father and gave him a present. The gift you gave him was a red and white onezie with the words “Dad’s Team” written across the chest. You then wrote your Daddy a note saying how excited you were to play ball with him along with wrestling with him. At the end of the note you told your father that you loved him and couldn’t wait to see him.
A couple of days later we found out that you had already left this world. There was no heart-beat on the ultrasound that your Grandfather gave me. The ultrasound told us that you had already gone back to your Father in Heaven two weeks earlier. Grandpa Maughan cried and told me how sorry he was. Grandma cried also. They were both really excited to meet you. Later that day Grandpa explained to Leif and I that miscarriages this late the pregnancy only happen about 1 in 500 pregnancies. He then lovingly told us that with the first heart-beat comes mortal life. You, Kaden, received your mortal body. That is all you needed in this earth life and have now gone to live with your Heavenly Father.
My main and only question was “Why”. Why did God take you from our family? Leif and I were so excited to become parents. But now I realize that God had bigger plans for you. You are a very righteous young man. God needs you in Heaven more then I needed you here. You were willing to leave this earth life early, and I know that must have been a really hard decision. Now I also realize that Daddy and I were willing to give you up. The gospel is true and I look forward to the day I can raise you. Now that you are in Heaven, I know you will be looking over Daddy and me. I know you will become our family’s little Guardian Angel.
Kaden, you will not be forgotten. You do have an earthly family with parents who love you very much. You are the oldest brother in the family and I want you to look after your brothers and sisters always. You are welcome to visit whenever you want. Thanks for making mine and Daddy’s life so happy for the short months you were with us. I will remember the joy you brought into our lives forever. I love you.

Love, your Mother

Today you went back to Jesus

Kaden Leif Kanooth, you are now in heaven. Daddy and I found out today that you no longer live inside of me. You left for heaven sometime before Christmas to be with your Heavenly Father. We don't know why you didn't make it into this Earth life. But Daddy and I both think it is because you are a very special young man. In fact, you are so special that Jesus wanted you back in his presence. Your mission on this Earth was just to get a body.
I am happy to have felt you live inside of me for a few month. I am happy to have carried you for 5 months. I am happy to have had the opportunity of pre-motherhood for these couple of months. Kaden, know that we loved you and will always remember the short time we had with you. You blessed our lives for these short months, and I am sure you will bless more spirits in heaven. Your parents were both righteous people who love the Lord. We know you love the Lord as well. We can't wait to meet you in heaven.

Your Earthly Parents

You are a BOY!!!!!!

December 2nd was a day I have been anticipating for a long time. December 2nd is the day we get to find out if we are having a boy or a girl. The ultrasound was scheduled for 3:15, and we didn't get called back until 4:00. You can only guess what I was thinking for those long 45 minutes. The ultrasound tech took both Leif and I back to the room as my heart kept pounding with excitement. The first picture to pop up on the screen was you. My how big you have gotten. Last ultrasound your whole body fit onto the screen, now it is just your stomach and head. You looked so big. After the tech played around for a minute or two she then asked if we wanted to find out. "YES," I replied.
She quickly found your rear end and we saw that something was there. You are a BOY!!!! I grabbed Daddy's hand and smiled. "We are having a son", I told him.
We are both so excited that you are a boy. In all honestly, I really wanted a little boy first. I had 2 dreams you were a boy and have always had a deep feeling that you were male. Leif is excited to have a son. And I am very excited to have a little Mamma's Boy.
We are not going to tell our families that we found out until Christmas. We have made a video for both parents where the truth will be revealed at the end. It is hard to keep such a great secret from our parents, but we only have 2 more weeks. so shh....
Oh Boy...... Look what I see!!!!!
What a handsome young man you really are.

I felt you kick today

For Thanksgiving your father and I had an exciting dinner with 3 other families. It was great food and we really enjoyed the company. The following day we drove over to Nauvoo so we could go through the temple and re-visit the sites. After a day of being tourist, your father and I went to a play called, Randavo. It was a play put on by the elderly missionaries telling about times the early saints went through. It was so funny to watch the old men attempt a kick line, and the elderly woman sign with their squeaky voices. You must have liked their voices, for I felt you kick for the first time!! There was a tiny punch in my stomach and at first I had no idea what it was. When I finally realized that you were kicking, I grabbed Leif's hand and placed it on my belly. But by that time your fun was over. I believe you must have liked the voices of the missionaries, because you truly were a kicking.

Daddy & Mommy in front of the temple

I'm 18 weeks and feel very big!

I'm 18 weeks along. Look how BIG my belly is. Daddy likes to kiss my belly at night. He thinks it's fun because the belly button is sticking out.

Meeting the Doctor

On November 4th I meet our doctor for the first time. He name is Dr. Kim Nicholes and she is very nice. I never thought I would go see a female doctor, because of grandpa being male. But I really think that I am going to like her. She is in her mid 40's and very sweet. I was surprised with how short the appointment was. I always thought that doctor appointments for pregnant woman were so important. This thought might have come about because your grandfather is an OB doctor. Anyhow the appointment went as follows.

# 1 Got weighed in (and I lost a pound!).
# 2 Had to pee in a cup (you always do this).
# 3 Had my blood pressure taken 120/60, very normal.
# 4 Waited in the room for 10 minutes or more for the doctor.
# 5 The doctor introduced herself and told me everything looks good.
# 6 I had no questions so we listened to your heart beat.
# 7 Then I was done and made an appointment for 4 weeks down the road.

That's it. Everything is normal and our appointments will continue on like this until I'm farther along. Yet, the exciting part is..... we find out if you are a boy or girl at the next appointment. I have a feeling you are a boy. In fact I have had 3 dreams that you are a boy. But you never know what will happen. We are so excited to find out on December 4th.