Our Last Visit

May 11, 2011

Dear Kaden,
We visited your site today for the last time. Son, I don't know when we will be able to come back. We are moving to Florida in June and will be there for 6 years. After that we will move somewhere else for a job. So, I don't know when we will be able to visit your site again. But I promise that I will continue making you a birthday cake each year. I promise that I will always keep your shadow box in my bedroom. I promise that I will talk about you to your future brothers and sisters. And I promise that you will never be forgotten.

Kaden, today was a special day. Daddy and I bought you a flower and planted it next to your rock. It was a beautiful purple annual that will hopefully grow every year. I pray that next time we come to visit you, the flower will still be there. I imagine your flower planting seeds to make more flowers surround you resting spot. I look forward to the day when we get to visit your rock again. We got to take some family pictures while we were there. This is now my most favoirte picture because it is a complete family picture. .


Kaden, today 2 very special things happened. Right after the flower was planted it started to rain, and showered for a short 2-3 minutes. I believe that this was God's way of acknowledging your flower and giving it some rain to help the roots start growing.

After the flower was planted we took some family pictures by your resting spot. The pictures taken are now my favorite because it has all 5 of us. Your younger brother and sister were with us. And they saw your site for the very first time. Micah and Savannah were sweet and patience during our visit. They love their big brother and can't wait to meet you.

The second special thing that happened was while Savannah and I were sitting near your rock. I was holding sweet Savannah and whispered in her ear, "Say... I love Kaden."

In her sweet little voice Savannah said, "I wuve Aven".

I then whispered in her ear, "Say... I love my brother."

He soft baby voice replayed, "I wuve by verer."

She knew she was talking about her big brother. I felt her love for Kaden. I felt the spirit. I felt Kaden's love. I love my 3 children.

Mother's Day 2011

Kaden, today was Mother's Day 2011. I was thinking about you today and know you were thinking about me. Mothers Day in the past have been very hard for me. Right after we lost you I was so jealous of every mother. I couldn't understand why God took you away from me but let other Mother's keep their babies.

But now I feel so blessed. I have 2 beautiful children on earth and one in Heaven looking after us. Kaden, I know you look down on your earthy family. I want you to know that we love you. We will never forget about you. You are a huge blessing in our family. I love Mother's Day because it is a day to see all the blessings I have in my life. Your conception, pregnancy, and birth was all a huge blessing. I didn't see it then. But now I see how I grew spiritual and emotionally. I see how your father and I grew together. I see how you stretched out my uterus for your siblings. I understand that you had a greater purpose. My faith grew. And I know I will see you again.

Happy Mother's Day

Happy 2nd Birthday Son

Today is January 3rd, your 2nd birthday. Happy Birthday Son! I love you and miss you. For your birthday I made a really nice dinner (rolls, turkey-cream soup, fruit, and cake). I made you a fish cake this year. I had planned on making you a loin, but didn't have anything for the legs. So you got a fish cake. I am sorry the color turned out funny. I was trying to make it orange, but I added too much blue! Now you know your mommy isn't perfect. Your father came home early from work and was surprised by the big dinner. We ate together and thought about you. Earlier that day I looked through your box of keepsakes, and your pictures. It was a very nice day to remember you.

I have a friend that just lost a baby. She came over last week and I showed her all of your keepsakes. I love talking about you. I loved showing your little hand-prints to my friend. It keep you alive to me. It keeps you alive in our family. It keeps you real. My friend told me that when she lost her baby, she imagined herself handing her child over into the Lord's hands. I then invisioned myself handing your little body over to the Lord. I have a picture now of you in your blue gown and hat being placed into Heavenly Father's arms. I see Heavenly Father smiling as he takes you. I see myself smiling back being glad that I could give him such a perfect child. I see you smile. I know you are happy with your Heavenly Father. I know you are busy doing his work. I know you are a chosen spirit child.

Last time I wrote to you we were expecting twins. Well they made it!! Thanks for watching over them. You now have a little sister, Savannah, and a little brother, Micah. I have told both Micah and Savannah about you. I am excited for you to meet them. You and Micah are going to be great friends. He is a very patience person, like you. I know you both will get along great. Please continue to look over our family. You are the big brother!

Kaden, we miss you. I love you. Daddy loves you. And your siblings love you. I wish you were here staring at me with your blond hair and blue eyes. But I will get my wish. I will see you again. I truly believe that. And I can't wait for that time.

Happy Birthday Son.

Daddy, Micah and I eating your birthday dinner.
Your fish cake Yum. Yum.

I keep your memories in my bedroom. On your birthday I looked through your heart box. I love you son.

March 7th we visited your site.

March 7th, 2010
Hi sweet child. Today your father and I went to visit your resting site. We hadn't been to see you for one year. I am sorry that it took us so long to return. But your father reminded me that only your body is there. I can talk to you and feel your spirit anytime. And I am so thankful for that.
Yet, it was peaceful seeing the rock with your name on it. Visiting your site keeps you alive. Looking at your picture and your gown on our wall keeps you alive. Kaden, you very much are a huge part of our family. You are my son and I am so excited to meet you in heaven. I am thankful for the memories I have of you. I am thankful that I got a chance to hold you and love your small body. And I am thankful that your spirit can be felt in Adam-Ondi-Aham. I love you.
While visiting you, Leif asked me to pray. I hope you can hear my prayer for you. Because they are for you. Please remember that we love you and miss you. I love prayers.
In my prayer I told you that we are expecting 2 babies now. Please look after your mother and your siblings. If you have any extra power, please bless your siblings to grow. Leif and I so bad want to have children on this earth. We wish it could have been you. But we all know that the Lord has a bigger hand in things. I know you are being taken care of. I thank my Savior for that.
Kaden, we love you. It was so nice to visit your little tomb stone. Visit us often.

Your First Birthday

Kanden,

It has been a long time since I have written to you. I am sorry that I haven't been more diligent in writing to you. But I do pray for you almost each and every night. Your thoughts are always with Daddy and I, and we love you dearly. We are expecting again. This time, it is twins. What a special surprise it was to find out that we are having two. This shows me that the Lord is merciful. He knows and cares for our family. Please take care of our family up there. You are the older brother.

Your birthday was a very special day for us. It was fast Sunday and I had a testimony of you in my heart all day long. I never shared it openly, but I kept it in my heart. I know you live. I know you are doing a wonderful work up in heaven. I know that you have a huge testimony of the Gospel. I know you are a wonderful missionary. And I know that we get get to see you again someday.

Kaden, I made you a cake. I couldn't decide between a lion or elephant. In the end I made you an elephants. I hope you like elephant, I think you do! We also got you a book. Daddy and I read it together and watched your video. The book is entitled, "You are Special". It talks about a young man who finds out how special he really is.

Kaden, you are so special to this family. Always remember that. I can't wait to raise you. Hopefully by that time, I will have some earthy experience of being a mother. Happy Birthday Son.

Scriptures that helped your mother

"I am going to send an angel in front of you, to guard you on the way

and to bring you to the place that I have prepared."

Exodus 23:20

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths."

Proverbs 3: 5-6

"A little shile and ye shall not see me:

and again, a little while, and ye shall see me,

because I go to the Father."

John 16:16

"I also beheld that all children who die before they arrive at the years of

accountability are saved in the celestial kingdom of heaven."

D&C 137:10

"May I say for the consolation of those who mourn,

and for the comfort and guidance of all of us,

that no righteous man is ever taken before his time.

In the case of the faithful saints,

they are simply transferred to other fields of labor."

Joseph Fielding Smith

Your Love In Our Home

Today is January 24th. It has been 3 weeks since your delivery. Daddy and I still miss you very much.
It is hard for your mother to go to church and see little children being cuddled in their mother's arms and running around. I wish you were cuddled up in my arms. It is also hard to go to Nursery and see these precious children learn about the gospel. I again wish you were here. But I do know that you are learning about the gospel and probably have a better understanding then your parents.
Kaden, I wish everyday that you were still within me. But I am starting to understand God's plan more and more each day. Your memories will always stay near. I want you to know how we miss and love you very very much.

This is the bassinet I bought for you. It is filled with your gifts from people who loved you.

Flowers from the neighbors and your little footprints.

This is the shadow box I made you with your precious little feet.

Kaden you are our Guardian Angel. Stay near sweet one.